To answer this last question, I wanted to talk about using
I-Statements. I actually just had a conversation with my dad recently (after
not having spoken for a number of months). He has a tendency, as his levels
increase, to blame others and not take ownership for any wrong-doing on his
part. I have found that the most effective way to communicate with him is to be
very assertive and very direct. I try to use I-Statements only, and I try not
to insight defensive behavior from him. Even before I read this text, I was
able to identify the different components to the I-Statement. I begin by
expressing my feelings about the behavior, and then I explain why the behavior
in question created a problematic situation for me. Although I think that my
father lost to these basic communication skills, I still rigidly adhere to
them, so that I can make sure that I am not further contributing to
communication issues, but also that I can maintain my own sanity as well.
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