Chapter Four: Post Three

To answer this last question, I wanted to talk about using I-Statements. I actually just had a conversation with my dad recently (after not having spoken for a number of months). He has a tendency, as his levels increase, to blame others and not take ownership for any wrong-doing on his part. I have found that the most effective way to communicate with him is to be very assertive and very direct. I try to use I-Statements only, and I try not to insight defensive behavior from him. Even before I read this text, I was able to identify the different components to the I-Statement. I begin by expressing my feelings about the behavior, and then I explain why the behavior in question created a problematic situation for me. Although I think that my father lost to these basic communication skills, I still rigidly adhere to them, so that I can make sure that I am not further contributing to communication issues, but also that I can maintain my own sanity as well.

Chapter Four: Post Two

2). After reading Chapter 4 in its entirety, answer the following question:  What are you thinking about when others talk?  Do you concentrate on what they are saying or do you think about your own ideas instead?  After listening to someone, an you write down most of what that person told you?  If not, why?

If I’m being honest, I would say that sometimes, I am not a good listener. While most of the time, I have the patience to be present and not interrupt while someone else is talking, I am often distracted by other things around me. A lot of conversations that I have with others are over the phone because my family and many of my close friends don’t live near me. I always have so many things that I need to get done and I often try to find ways to accomplish multiple tasks at the same time. I am often doing chores around my house while talking to others and so I find myself sometimes, not paying full attention to what is being said. When others talk, I try to listen to what they are saying. If they are having a problem, I try to understand what they are saying so that I can offer a helpful opinion or piece of advice. I also think about what kinds of ‘follow-up’ questions I can ask the person after they are finished talking. I think that after listening to someone, I can usually write down most of what they said. I really do try to pay attention when other people talk, but I have to make efforts not to multitask while I am doing so.

Chapter Four: Post One

1). After reading Chapter 4 in its entirety, answer the following question:  How hard is it for you to stop a conflict?  If you find it easy to not respond automatically, what advice can you give others who have trouble with this step?  Whether you find this step difficult or not, what ways do you prefer if you try to take a "time out"?

It is fairly difficult for me to stop a conflict until I realize that it is not going to immediately be solved, in which case, I can walk away easily. I usually just leave the room or remove myself from the situation temporarily. That being said, it doesn’t take me very much time to stop, think, and process a conflict situation and I generally think with a level-head on my feet. However, there have been times that I was unable to stop a conflict because it was so provocative and intense that I acted before I had time to think about what I was really doing. I think that my advice on stopping a conflict would vary from person to person. I know a few people who handle conflict very well as it arises, and I know others who have poor judgment initially in a conflict and who assist in escalating the problem. However, I guess it is probably always best to somehow remove oneself from the situation and give oneself time to think. A person may return to a conflict with the same reaction that they initially had, or they may see certain aspects of the problem differently. In my opinion, it never really hurts to take the time to get your thoughts in order and make sure that they are ordered in the right direction.

Chapter Eleven: Post Three

When I think about all of the conflict in my life, one of the major things that I think about is my parents’ divorce. It seems as though I keep feeling the need to bring up my family in all of these posts and I guess that all I can say is that at this time, my family as a whole, could be used for a lot of examples in our textbook. Currently, both of my parents have been going to mediation, which can be a very time-consuming process. Mediation allows both parties to actively control their fate in deciding and agreeing upon the decisions that are made. I didn’t realize that a mediator had to be so neutral and that they are not allowed to make any decisions or really even express opinions. It does make sense though that in a situation that has the potential to be as volatile as a divorce, that it would not be helpful to add another opinionated person into the mix of what is already a difficult conflict, or rather, dispute. I was surprised to learn that mediation has such a high success rate and that people are able to put aside their differences enough to agree on what is in both of their best interests.

Chapter Eleven: Post Two

2). After reading Chapter 11 in its entirety, answer the following question:  How might you use techniques such as fractionation, framing, re-framing, and common ground for solving problems that don't involve interpersonal conflicts?

Fractionation is helpful because it allow a person the opportunity to break down a conflict into smaller, more manageable parts. By taking larger, more complicated issues and addressing one aspect of the problem, a person is able to be more efficient in solving the issue as a whole. When I think about fractionation, I think about cleaning my house. Instead of trying to do everything at once, I try to focus only on one room or one chore at a time. I feel that in this way, I know exactly what I am trying to accomplish and I can see my progress. I try to outline what I need to do by asking myself, “What are the most pertinent things that need to be addressed in the limited time that I have?” I try to re-frame my outlook on the mess and I try to turn the fact that there is a three-year-old running around pulling toys out in every room, into a positive aspect of the situation by including her in the clean-up process. I encourage her to pick up her toys and let her help with little things like putting the soap packet in the dishwasher or sorting all of the towels out of the laundry. We are able to find common ground in that we are working together to accomplish the same thing in a way in which we are both satisfied; She is not bored, and I am happy that the house is organized.

Week Four: Post One

1). After reading Chapter 11 in its entirety, answer the following question:  Why should communication majors make good mediators?  What might lawyers and psychotherapists find it difficult to effectively play the role of mediator?

Communication majors should make good mediators (hopefully) because they have had the opportunity to learn about effective methods of communication and mediation. Chapter 11 in particular, focuses on mediation and the role of the mediator. Lawyers and psychotherapists might find it difficult to play the role of the mediator because there are specific guidelines that a mediator must follow to be effective and these guidelines are not necessarily observed in the same way in these professions. For example, this chapter discusses the idea that it might be difficult for a lawyer to play the role of a mediator because they may mistakenly treat mediation like litigation. In this, the lawyer would not remain neutral, and in fact, may actually take an oppositional or defensive standpoint. Because the agreements decided upon in mediation are not made by a third party (i.e. a judge or a jury) but by the disputants themselves, the participants may be less likely to cooperate if they feel that the mediator does not maintain a very neutral disposition.