Post Three

I really feel that I was able to learn a lot throughout this semester. When I first began this class, I was very unsure of what to expect. I was pleased to find that I was able to learn concepts that could be applied directly to my own life. Learning to manage conflict is not like learning dates in a history class. Rather, once you understand that conflict is a working process, it is something that is not easily forgotten. In learning that conflict is a process, I found myself applying different strategies from our book to my conflicts with other people. Often, I wished that the people I was experiencing conflict with had taken this same class. In addition to learning how to handle conflicts more appropriately and more effectively, I also learned some basic skills, such as, how to use PowerPoint and how to blog. This was a new experience for me. I am happy that I was able to follow at pace with this class, even though many of these concepts were new to me.

Post Two

2). Summarize what you liked most and what you liked least about this class.  In other words, what were the strengths and weaknesses of this class?  Would you recommend this class to other students?  Why or why not?

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have taken many online classes in the past. I have learned over the past few years that there is a bit of a learning curve in every online class because every teacher seems to have a slightly different style of teaching over the internet. To be honest, I was a little bit afraid when I found out that we would be “blogging” in this class. The words “Twitter” and “Facebook” are relatively foreign to me and I was not looking forward to this aspect of the class. However, after I got the hang of blogging, I found that it was not very difficult to write in a blog, and was maybe even easier than using the school’s online learning website. I really loved how every week the professor updated her blog to let the class know exactly what to expect. While all of this information was in the syllabus, it was actually very helpful to have the reminder and know for sure, that I wasn’t overlooking some assignment or due date. What I liked least about the class was probably the fact that most of our postings had to be at least twelve hours apart. While I understand the reasoning for this method of instruction, it was also difficult for me at times when I was unable to post. I take online classes because I have a very erratic and sometimes unpredictable schedule and I am out of town frequently. For this reason, I found myself at coffee shops late at night a few times to use their internet for a few minutes, just to satisfy the twelve hour waiting requirement. Overall I would definitely recommend this class to others, because the class is very organized, expectations and requirements are extremely clear, and the professor is helpful, timely, fair, and friendly. For as many online classes as I have taken, I should know, that this is a rare occurrence in an online class.

 

Chapter 16: Post One

1). After reading Chapter 16 in its entirety, answer the following question: Why do you think people have such negative views of conflict?  Do you think that as people know more about conflict, they fear it less?   Why or why not?

I think that our book explores very clearly, the reasons why people have negative views of conflict. I believe that people have negative views of conflict because they have many negative experiences with others when they do not handle conflict properly; we are then conditioned to believe that conflict is always a painful and negative experience. I think that most people don’t view conflict as a process and that there is no way that conflict could have positive benefits to their relationships. I think that as people learn more about conflict, not only do they understand conflict in a different way, but they also fear it less. Viewing conflict as a process can makes conflict appear more approachable and manageable because people have an idea of what steps they can take to resolve their conflicts, and also what strategies they can use to communicate more effectively in their relationships with others. Understanding conflict and knowing how to approach it correctly can improve our relationships, and change our perceptions of conflict for the better.

Chapter Twelve: Post Three

For this post I wanted to discuss overblown conflict. Although I feel that it is a relatively simple concept, I feel that it is a common issue that everyone has experienced at one point or another. I find that I am more prone to exacerbate a conflict when I am tired, hungry, or if I am angry about another related, or unrelated issue. I usually experience overblown conflict with those who are closest to me; often these people are family members. Most likely, this is because I know that these people will always be around and so I have been more careless with my behavior, moods, or attitudes in the past. This is not something that I am proud of, and it happens very rarely. As the book states, overblown conflict often subside when the instigator of the overblown conflict realizes their wrong-doing and apologizes. I find that when I take responsibility for my actions, I am usually easily forgiven by others.

Chapter Twelve: Post Two

I come from a family that is very opinionated and defensive. Most of the people in my family love to be 'right,' and for this reason, can be narrow-minded. I often assume that members of my family act in a certain way for a very selfish reason and I have rationalized the idea that they are just difficult people in general. That being said, I have gotten in trouble many times for attributing different motivations for family members' actions. Although it feels like sometimes people can do or say mean things because they dislike you or are mad at you, often times, these people act out of hurt and the feeling that they need to defend themselves from what feels like attacks from others which can make a conflict situation worse. To help in these types of situations, I try to validate the other person's perspective and assure them that what I am saying to them is rooted in trying to help and understand the situation, rather than as a personal attack. I guess situations in which I have benefited from positive attributions have been simple things, like assuming that someone exercises regularly because they appear to be in good shape. People can take these types of positive attributions as compliments and as recognition of their actions. Another positive attribution that I assumed recently was when I saw a little girl who was very friendly to my daughter in a room where most little girls were 'clicky' and somewhat rude as their mothers had modeled for them. The girl's mother was friendly and sincere, and I assumed that the daughter's behavior was an extension of her mother's positive behavior.

Chapter Ten: Post One

I was genuinely surprised by what I found while researching this question. In searching for forgiveness on Google, 56,000,0000 results were found. This was the first term that I typed into the search engine and I thought that for sure it would yield the most results. It was the term that I could identify with the most, and I could easily rationalize why someone would try to seek out advice about how to forgive another person. The results produced by this term were many sites offering definitions for the term and many self-help and religious-affiliated sites. The second term, reconciliation, yielded only 52,300,000 results which I did not find surprising and most of these were definitions and stories from blogs, videos etc. What I did not expect, was that revenge would produce the most results at 264,000,000. This number is dramatically higher than the others, which I found to be disturbing. Why people would be posting so much more information about revenge, rather than about forgiveness is troubling and it makes me wonder if most peoples' gut reactions cause them to seek a resolution based on anger and aggression rather than compassion and self-healing principles. Most of the sites about revenge were involving definitions, videos, and a television show titled, "Revenge." Given that there are so many reasons people don't forgive one another, I guess that I can understand that forgiveness can be a difficult idea to reconcile; However, I just didn't think that revenge would be a more popular alternative.

Chapter Ten: Post Two

2). After reading Chapter 10 in its entirety, answer the following question:  Is there an event in your life that you find difficult to forgive?  What is it?  What makes it so difficult to forgive the other person?  If you are not experiencing a difficult event now, describe a past event that you have found difficult to forgive.

There are a few events that have occured in my life that I find difficult to forgive. I would argue that the most difficult people to forgive are the ones that we care the most about; the people that we trust unconditionally. For me in my life, these people have been the one's who have remained constants in my life when it seemed that everyone else had failed or betrayed our realtionship in some fashion. In the past few years, I have experienced all three of the people that I trust the most betraying that trust. Two were in relationships, and one was with my mother. I find that all three of these situations are too involved and too personal to discuss in a public blog. However, I can say that I have yet to forgive any of them for the things that they have done, and this is something that I am actively working on.

Chapter Nine: Post One

1). After reading Chapter 9 in its entirety, answer the following question:  If you are a member of a social networking website such as Facebook, think about the way you use it.  How do you present yourself?  What impressions do you hope people will get from reading your profile?  Have there been times people have posted something to your profile that you wished they hadn't?  How does this relate to conflict and communication?

Even though I am not very interested in most of the social networking techonolgy that seems to be very popular these days, I do have a facebook which I created quite a few years ago. At first, I created the facebook just to see what the site was all about and to connect with my friends; it seemed at the time, that everyone was doing it (which in fact, they were). Now, I don't use it. I never change my profile picture, add pictures, respond to comments, or comment on other people's pages. I don't have a specific impression that I'm am trying to convery on facebook, as I hope that everyone who is on my facebook, already knows me. No one has ever posted anything to my profile that I wished that tey hadn't. However, I have seen many things posted on other peoples' facebooks that I would never want on my own.

The entire structure of facebook and the meanings behind the things people post and how they conduct themselves online really does relate to conflict and communication. Many people on these sites are seeking to be accepted, which is an idea that is expressed in our text as 'positive face.' Ironically, facework (which is strikingly similar to the name 'Facebook' itself), is a process in which people try to control the impressions that others have of them while at the same time, managing what others are saying about them. Conflict can occur online just as in face-to-face situations and unfortunately, the way that you present and conduct yourself online can affect not only how other's view you, but can be a derminant in your social status as well.

Chapter Seven: Post Three

3). Pick one concept or idea from this week's assigned reading and discuss it.  Be sure to relate the concept/idea to your personally by using examples from your life and/or experiences.

To address this question, I decided to discuss hyperstress. Reading about this concept almost made me laugh because even right this moment, I am experiencing hyperstress, which occurs when we are overloaded with so many responsibilities that we are unable to keep up with them all. In my life, the major contributors to my hyperstess are school, my house, and my day-to-day responsibilities as a parent. After I finish this post, I have many other chores waiting for my attention. One of the positive feature of hyperstess is that it goes away after the causes have been eliminated.  I often feel immediate relief after I have accomplished all of the responsibilities that I have for any given period of time. Unfortunately, it is usually short-lived. That being said, I have also experienced overblown conflict and have over-reacted to conflicts in the past. Luckily, I am always conscious of the fact that I am over-reacting because I am stressed out, which helps me to retain a more grounded perspective.

Chapter Eight: Post Two

2). After reading Chapter 8 in its entirety, answer the following question:  Are you a person who tends to blow up, do you express your anger calmly, or do you simply not express it at all?  What are the outcomes of expressing anger in this way?

I think that when I become angry, I usually express my anger calmly usually by talking. I actually don’t really get angry very easily as I find that I have a lot of patience for most things. If I ever do “blow up” I think that that period of expression is extremely short and I can pull myself back in easily. When I am very angry, I generally remove myself from a situation so that I can think more clearly and not say or do something that I don’t really mean. Because of the way that I handle my own anger, I generally don’t find myself in really hostile arguments and I can often talk-out my frustrations with the person I am in conflict with or someone else who will understand the situation. Sometimes I find that a passive-aggressive approach to anger works well also, as in a situation where you don’t really have a reason to complain, or when you are angry about something that you can’t control. In this type of situation, I usually talk to a friend about the issue until I feel that I can resolve it for myself.