Chapter Twelve: Post Two

I come from a family that is very opinionated and defensive. Most of the people in my family love to be 'right,' and for this reason, can be narrow-minded. I often assume that members of my family act in a certain way for a very selfish reason and I have rationalized the idea that they are just difficult people in general. That being said, I have gotten in trouble many times for attributing different motivations for family members' actions. Although it feels like sometimes people can do or say mean things because they dislike you or are mad at you, often times, these people act out of hurt and the feeling that they need to defend themselves from what feels like attacks from others which can make a conflict situation worse. To help in these types of situations, I try to validate the other person's perspective and assure them that what I am saying to them is rooted in trying to help and understand the situation, rather than as a personal attack. I guess situations in which I have benefited from positive attributions have been simple things, like assuming that someone exercises regularly because they appear to be in good shape. People can take these types of positive attributions as compliments and as recognition of their actions. Another positive attribution that I assumed recently was when I saw a little girl who was very friendly to my daughter in a room where most little girls were 'clicky' and somewhat rude as their mothers had modeled for them. The girl's mother was friendly and sincere, and I assumed that the daughter's behavior was an extension of her mother's positive behavior.